Brett Favre Featured in the Onion

I know that most of you are Viking fans, but there must be a few Packer fans amongst my readers. This morning the Onion featured your beloved hero Brett Favre.

GREEN BAY, WI—The Green Bay Packers addressed questions concerning the current status, future plans, and whereabouts of recently retired quarterback Brett Favre by announcing Monday that they had sent him to the country to live on a beautiful farm with a very nice family.

"We know you loved Brett Favre, but he wasn't happy here. He couldn't stay here," Packers general manager Ted Thompson told hundreds of quiet but tear-streaked Packer fans assembled at the televised Lambeau Field press conference. "And he loved you, too—he loved you very much indeed—but he needed to go someplace where he could run and jump and throw his favorite football around. And he couldn't do that here anymore."

Reverse Migration

Last night was just how I'd envisioned my introduction to Minneapolis to be. I'd be invited out by an old friend, the friend would tell funny stories that included our previous adventures together in the Bay Area, and I'd slowly ease in to conversations, confident of my place at the party.

My transition into Minneapolis was not as smooth. I thought I was prepared for the cultural differences. I was never prepared to start completely new, which is something I knew going in and one of the reasons I moved to the Minneapolis.

Try imagining being cool enough to be at the party, but not cool enough for anyone to actually talk to you. I was starving for attention, which only made me less attractive. Who wants to the talk to the guy who tries too hard?

I wanted to stand on my own merits, but I needed an in. Once "inside" Minnesotans will give you the shirt off their back. There are many layers of acquaintance before you prove worthy of friendship. Getting to that point takes time, lots of time, and I wasn't prepared for just how many callbacks I'd need to get the part. The audition felt never ending.

Many of these steps are skipped once someone vouches for you. Last night that happened, as easily as I'd expected it.

My buddy Greg is in town for Christmas from San Francisco. We met six years ago in the Bay Area. Greg was always one of my favorites: a lovable guy with a big heart that you never once questioned his motives. There aren't many people who listen to techno in San Francisco - techno music, not the catchall term like "electronica." Techno is the same vein as Richie Hawtin, Detroit's Underground Resistance, or Minnesotan Woody McBride.

Techno is much more popular in the Midwest. Whenever a techno artist performed in San Francisco, all of the Midwest transplants would come out for the show. Due to our shared love for the four to the floor, I have friends from Chicago, Toledo, Detroit, Madison, Minneapolis, and Kansas City. Techno vouched for me. My new friends and I had a common love. The rest of the details work themselves out.

I don't listen to electronic music as much as I used to. The music still holds a soft spot in my heart. I'll always be grateful for the relationships that formed thanks to techno. I still love dancing to it, just not as much as I used to.

Greg vouched for me last night the same way techno did for him many years ago. Many of those initial barriers were skipped ad relaxed, stress-free discourse was had. I now have New Years plans. I now have the beginning of steps of a friendship, several steps beyond acquaintance.